recepticle=Wednesday, February 27, 2002
all for mumfy
mumfy is my chick, and i love her more than cups of tea and cookies and kittens and computers and flash and my guitars and drums. you make me very happy, lil miss mumfalot, and i don't want you to be sad. you know for a fact that we're going to stay together, and you know how much i love you. i'm sorry i don't tell you about all the times that i think about you, but if i did i'd be sending you a lot of emails, and probably not getting much work or sleep done. guess what i found:
i hope you're smiling now, you little minx.
- posted by lawrie at 12:02 AM ~ comments
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
give me work, or i'll break your legs
i think that will be my lil company's new slogan. i constantly get the little work carrot dangled in front of my donkey face and the carrot-dangler goes "here you are lawrie! a nice juicy, tasty bit of work for you! this could pay off your car, and help destroy some of those credit card bills. jump for it, you little bitch! jump! higher! higher! oh ha ha ha, you can't have it really."
once there was matrix, a european car importing firm that wanted an online quoting system. no problem everything was a go... and then it just disappeared. and then there was dupla, maker of specialist aquatics products for people who collect fish. really, stupidly expensive fish. they wanted a redesign of their ecommerce site. no problem it was all a go, we shook hands, the company drew up a brief... then they disappeared too. and even before these, last january, for fucks sake, there was alif uk, textile importers. they wanted a whole load of flash, with galleries of their fabrics and all that crapola. i started the work, sent them an invoice... and it's like the whole company building just got torn from the ground by a giant moth, and was then flown to japan and eaten by godzilla. i wish.
and so here i sit, waiting for a phone call, unable to do much of anything until i get it, and dishing out a couple of sites that will bring me in.. ooh, maybe a grand total of £600 in the next two months. excellent. this is where i very seriously start thinking about part-time options.
- posted by lawrie at 4:24 PM ~ comments
Sunday, February 24, 2002
i'm going to be so lame at this
it's not been up very long, but already gaps are starting to appear in this little blog. and i have to be honest, i'm tired and this is going to be a less than enthusiastic entry. hoo. ray.
the gig on friday went pretty well, although i realised about 15 seconds into the first song that i had left my spare sticks in my cymbal bag, and if i dropped on of my sticks, i was fuckeroo'd. and so it could only happen one way; i dropped a stick about 5 seconds later. props to my bass player paul who clambered across the stage to retrieve it for me, and after the song i sheepishly ran off stage, grabbed my bag and put my spares in place.
you know what? i'm not entirely sure this blog is actually making any sense - my grammar feels all out of whack. maybe i'll tell you more stories later, but for now i think i'm going to try and wake up.
- posted by lawrie at 7:08 PM ~ comments
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
acoustic terror
as i mentioned before, i'm organising an acoustic night at this local venue. and last night i had a terrible yet oddly real dream that it all went horribly, horribly wrong.
for a start, i was told that the current manager was crap, and had been demoted to chef, and the new manager wanted to hold it on a tuesday night instead of a thursday. not good. then it got to like 9.15 and only two acts had shown up, and these two bands have recently been bickering on the bulletin board of my local music site, and they, um, played chicken in a couple of sports cars. OK, so maybe that bit wasn't so real.
So anyway, then the first band start playing, and it's supposed to be an acoustic night, and the whole band has set up with drums and electric guitars. again, not good. so i turn to the new manager (who, it turns out was chris farley. don't ask me where that came from) and he's like, "don't worry, i'll get 'em off stage. i don't think they like me anyway". and from there on in, it just becomes a logistical nightmare. a tale of things to come? fucking better not be.
- posted by lawrie at 12:36 PM ~ comments
Monday, February 18, 2002
show us those monster cocks
oh how i wish this were real. unfortunately i can find no trace of the existence of 'wymyn's studies' at toronto university. have no idea what i'm talking about? click here.
- posted by lawrie at 8:16 PM ~ comments
i'm back, and i've dropped the caps
yes yes, i'm back from my 5-day fiesta with mumfy, and i decided that i'm not going to use caps anymore. i may also, perhaps, change my font to tahoma, but we shall see.
mumfy got me flash games studio, a book that is on my wishlist, and i shall have to remove it. it's like, the best present i've had since the card i got from mumfy on valentines day (although the card was probably better). also, because i'm a moron, i lost my phone helping an old dear onto and off a bus, but nowhere sells it anywhere anymore. mumfy found it on a qxl auction, and now i am an extremely happy bunny.
i need to link to anyonebagel, because it's a kick-ass blog and barry is monster-funny. i just made that phrase up, and i think i'm going to use it more often.
- posted by lawrie at 5:02 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Tra la la laa
Well, I've booked this whole acoustic night at the Attik; it's going to take place on March 7th, and you can read aaaaalll about it here. Other than that, I seem to have gone temporarily retarded, because I keep fucking up the updates that people want me to do... misfiring links, incorrect names, etc. etc. I need a break. And I'm getting one. I'm going up to see Mumfy early this week, because it's hearts day, and all. I love the way that Hallmark and all the flower shops in the world feel justified in tripling their prices, despite the fact that their business increases threefold over this period anyway. That's capitalism, I guess, and I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do it too, given the chance.
Here's an insane bunny. (Thanks to pixelkitty for this).
- posted by lawrie at 1:56 PM ~ comments
Monday, February 11, 2002
Buy me! Buy me!
According to HumansForSale, I'm presenty worth $2,465,596, which makes me the 8th most valuable person today. How oddly comforting.
- posted by lawrie at 1:38 PM ~ comments
Sunday, February 10, 2002
I Am The Medicine Man
Back from Colchester, and Mumfy has bought me a whole bunch of stuff because she is a lovely girlie. I got some herbal cattargh tablets, because snot keeps trying to get into my brain, some herbal sleeping tablets, because my sleepy-clock is totally out of whack (although I took the tablets on friday night, and had a great night's sleep; ditto saturday), as well as some melt-in-the-mouth ibuprofen because I have toothache but refuse to see a dentist, and a really early Stephen King book I haven't read called Eye of the dragon. Plus we went to see Monsters, Inc., which did truly r0x0r. There's three million individually rendered hairs on the big blue monster. I would have just made him into some kind of scary beachball - fuck all that rendering.
- posted by lawrie at 11:30 PM ~ comments
Friday, February 08, 2002
Weekend Alert
...I almost forgot. This will probably be my last update until sunday night/very early monday morning, because for some reason I can't log into Blogger via my gf's computer at university. They've got a pretty heavy firewall, but I thought that was to stop the endless stream of MP3s and movies that the students were downloading (wouldn't you, if you could download at a meg a second?), not to stop people blogging.
- posted by lawrie at 1:04 AM ~ comments
Mumfy, I need a massage
I'm in so much pain. I started working out again yesterday for the first time in months, and I knew it would hurt, and it does a little, but it's my shoulders that are killing me; being hunched over this goddamn keyboard all day sitting in lawn furniture for chrissake... I need a great big comfy leather chair with arm rests and speakers in the headrest and an automatic chilled milk dispenser... mmmm (has inspiration for wishlist).
Speaking of wishlists, it's about that time of year for the antibloggies, isn't it? And exactly how does that sentence make sense? Well, I'm asking all 5 of you that visit this site (I'm one, mumfy is the other one, and I'm guessing that at least 3 other people in the world have seen it and went 'o0o0o' and bookmarked it) to nominate me in the antibloggies for 'best amazon wishlist', which I am presently about to add to, with a great big comfy leather milk chair.
- posted by lawrie at 12:39 AM ~ comments
Thursday, February 07, 2002
No bad on 'em, but...
...this is a mugly crew of people. I do hope to god somebody just found these on uglypeople and they're not real.
- posted by lawrie at 12:51 AM ~ comments
Wednesday, February 06, 2002
Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little lawrie...
I *so* need to sort out my sleeping patterns. I woke up... well, I actually woke up a whole bunch of times, but I actually got out of bed at 3pm. In my defense, I didn't get to sleep until 5am or so, and the night before I only got 6 hours sleep... but I need to get some kind of realistic sleeping pattern that will allow me to incoprorate the rest of the world. Plus, I've been having some wierd dreams, and I think at some point I was asleep with my eyes open, which was odd.
I have to say, props to wil wheaton, who joins Winnie from the Wonder Years in my 'where are they now?' file. I know that it's probably really offensive to stick anyone in a 'where are they now?' file (thinks back to This is Spinal Tap), but let's face it; I grew up watching the Next Generation. I was one of those fans that didn't actually view Wil Wheaton with a murderous hate. So props to him for being a blogger, and trying it on with the comedy.
I now have to got and modify image pointers in 50 or so pages :|. I did a new section for ralphdog.com, and what I didn't realise was that, for some inexplicable reason, dreamweaver had resolved all the images to absolute addresses on my hard drive; so even when I viewed it online, it looked fine to me, because the pages were pointing to files on my machine. Bitch.
- posted by lawrie at 8:59 PM ~ comments
Where are they now?
Did anyone used to watch the Wonder Years? Don't lie; of course you did. Ever wonder what happened to Winnie? Well, she runs an
online maths column. Excellent.
- posted by lawrie at 2:33 AM ~ comments
This is me - here I am.
Yup, there's nothing quite like owning your own name as a .com - it's like the ultimate vanity plate, but without the stress of having
to attach it to your vehicle and being pulled over by the police for incorrect letter spacing. It's true. That's what solving real crimes is all about.
So anyway, this is lawriemalen.com - my blog. It'll probably end up as a very boring archive of design stuff I've learned recently - and I learn by stealing. For example, this bitchrod little window-scrolly thing is a product of dhtmlcentral.com, and the random quote loader and picture loader are scrumptuous, tiny pieces of javascript that I found at pixelkitty.net. Of course there are tons of scripts that do that kinda thing, but the javascript way seemed like the neatest. Hit 'refresh' lots of times to see it all change.
And so, for those of you that know me and my penchant for all things Flash, you're probably wondering when the pseudo-3D menu with kick-ass mouseover effects and sparkly blinking things that zoom and wizz are going to appear. Well, they're not. I've not quit on Flash, I've just seen some incredible stuff that has humbled me a little, and so I am currently re-training myself. Much like Luke, as he trained under Yoda to become a great Jedi... but with less actual psychic ability and no talking robots.
Anyway, the site is only a baby, so play nice, and come back every single day for free MP3s, free porn, naked, sex, gay, search engine queries. That's funny if you know about search engines. OK, so it's not that funny.
- posted by lawrie at 12:23 AM ~ comments