recepticle=<b>Saturday, March 30, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>i am <i>so</i> lame at this</b><br>
<br />sorry to anyone who used to keep coming back to this and has now decided to stop because i never update my blog (it's been a shocking 9 days since my last blog), but... well, i have no excuses. i have been fairly busy what with that london meeting (it all went well, and i am charging them a <b>shitload</b> of money), and other stuff. mainly playing gta 2. also, there has been a recent development in my local music scene; calling itself the Leicester Band Network/Union, it's a group of bands that have been communicating via two local music sites and have now got together and are supporting each others gigs. when you put it like that, it sounds all very nice, but i'm a little more cynical about it in light of other things.<br><br>
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<br />in one day i received no less than 7 emails all from one guy in a band who has taken it upon himself  to lead the Leicester Band Network, although in his own words "there are no leaders". everyone he had decided to contact also got these emails, which included minutes of the union meeting, the 'first project' to see if the 'experiment' went well, and generally a bit of a sinister push to go and see these bands. why sinister? well, on the face of it it all seemed very friendly and enthusiastic, but it was parts of the text like "the more you show up, the more your band will be given priority" which, taken another way, could mean that if you didn't show up, then despite your own efforts, your gig would <b>not</b> be supported in any way by this network. also, the end of one email read "join now, before it's too late". why would it be too late to join a benevolent, non-profit union that states it's own aims as stopping the bitchiness and back-stabbing of local bands, and to aid and support all leicester artists? <b>how</b> could it be too late to get involved with something like this... unless it intends to become something of an elitist organisation? "before it's too late" is a totally undiluted threat, and it worries me.<br><br>
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<br />and, aside from all this, if you were in a band, which of these scenarios would you prefer?<br><br>
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<br /><b>a)</b> a bunch of people hear your band, think "holy shit! they rock!" and then tell some other people, and they come to your gigs, etc etc.<br>
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<br /><b>b)</b> a bunch of musicians feel obliged to come to your gigs because they want to get 'priority'  for a union listing.<br><br>
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<br />i think maybe the intention is/was there, but it all got screwed up - it seems to me they have got the point fundamentally wrong. the only reason any bands are going to watch other bands is because they want to be seen to be taking part, and don't want to be left out. and yes, you are seen. there's a list to sign at the door, and if you don't sign the list, then you obviously weren't there. since you weren't there, you weren't showing support. see the cycle?<br><br>
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<br />this disturbs me a great deal.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 7:59 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,11286187">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Thursday, March 21, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>the trial is over</b>
<br />and i passed with flying colours. i completed (almost) 3 whole weeks of 12-hour days, and leave now with a rosy complexion, lighter hair, a shitload of money, and the brightest prospects i've had for ages.
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<br />this coming tuesday i'm off to london to have a meeting with a company about developing a new site for them. i'm not going into specifics, but it's quite a bit of money for me, plus expenses, so woohoo. and then, the following day, i have a meeting in kibworth with a company that want their old site fixing (although i don't think <b>god</b> could rescue the fact that it's a bannered-up name purchased on UK2, and hosted by freeserve... *shudder*), and a new site developing. not nearly as much cash, but a fair chunk of pocket-money nonetheless.
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<br />on the downside, i appear to be getting my first abscess for many months. if you don't know what an abscess is, then let me describe it this way; imagine have a spot, but this spot has the potential to grow to the size of a golfball, and instead of pushing the infected crap out, it actually burrows into your flesh. that's an abscess. so yay.
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<br />but, once again looking on the positive side of things, mumfy is home from uni for easter, and i get to snuggle up and feel toasty warm in her bed.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 8:46 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10980955">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Sunday, March 17, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>andrew wk fuckin r0x0r</b>
<br />i just had my weekend with mumfatron, and we had a nice relaxing time - watched four films borrowed from rich (one of mumf's flatmates), and crammed in a lot of sleeping. also managed to threaten a couple of people with having their sites shutdown for illicit spamming, which was fun.
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<br />did i tell you i counted people on buses? of course i did. well, i've been doing it with mumfy's brother simon. he roped in his friend neil last week, and now we've got mumfy and simon's sister jessica on board too. ho ho ho, what a terrible pun. anyway, i just told her a bunch of stories about how much it sucked, and how to lie to people who assumed that we might be helpful, so it's all good fun.
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<br />o0o0oh, went off on a total tangent - i started with a subject line about andrew wk, and i suppose i should probably return to that. amongst the cds with films on that we borrowed from rich, he also had a whole bunch of albums, including <b>party hard</b> by andrew wk. and it fucking rocks. when i first read about andew wk, i had no real idea about what he might sound like but was thinking along the lines of rammstein. turns out he's <i>kinda</i> like rammstein, but with a feel-good-rock factor not seen since the likes of 'rocket' by def leppard (which, apparently, if you play it backwards, they clearly state "we're fighting with the gods of war"). andrew wk is rockin'.
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<br />i bought the fourth harry potter book on friday afternoon, and am now two-thirds of the way through it. apparently i'll have to wait until <i>june</i> for the fifth one to come out. that totally sucks. anyway, must dash, because i believe blogger is getting a little impatient with me.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 10:13 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10835133">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Tuesday, March 12, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>cafe-tastic</b>
<br />i'm in a cybercafe in the centre of town right now called branstones. i've onlyu got about 3 minutes to write this blog, so i'm pretty sure it will be full of typos i'll have to correct later. i actually get to have some free time on this little machine because there's something wrong with their server...? anyway, i noticed that <a href="http://www.mellowed-out.co.uk" target="_blank">mel's</a> journal is down... tsk, that's what you get for having remotely hosted scripts.
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<br />i actually get to have a lie-in tomorrow, and finish early on friday so i can catch an earlier train to see emily, and theoretically that's the last time i'll ever have to catch the train to colchester, because my l'il mini will be working. and insured *shudder*.
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<br />anyway, i really need to get back to abusing people on buses right now. where we are at the moment, a disproportionately large number of people keep asking usw what we're doing; i told one guy yesterday that the council are going to pedestrianise the whole of the city centre and set up cable cars to take you everywhere. i was bored.
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<br />later<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 11:20 AM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10652388">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Sunday, March 10, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>harry potter r0x0r my s0x0r</b>
<br />yes that's right - i jumped feet first onto the harry potter bandwagon, and everything you heard is true. the number of people i know that have said "eurgh - you're not reading harry potter are you? that's <i>gay</i>." well, the number of people was... two. but anyway, i thought much the same thing, until i read the first book. i finished it in two days, and have just about finished the second book in one sitting on my way back from colchester this evening. i can seriously see the whole market saturation thing seriously folding in on joanne rowling, and practically everyone walking around saying how crap and old and shit harry potter is, but as long as the books stay good, i'm gonna keep on reading 'em.
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<br />in other, less literary news, i had my regular mumfyfest this weekend at colchester, and <b>thank the fucking lord</b> that railtrack aren't doing any more 'engineering' between whitham and shenfield. apparently, if they really want to upgrade their lines and stand any hope of actually serving the public, they'll need to build double-decker carriages. that's the <i>easy</i> part. to accommodate these, they will not only need to widen every single track in the country, but also <b>lift every bridge higher</b> that goes over a track. so, sorry everyone, but british public transport is fucked, now and forever. amen.
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<br />in yet other news, working 12 hour days makes me realise exactly how long i have to wait until i see miss mumfalot each weekend, which kind of sucks, but then i get a warm bed and sex. so to anyone who doesn't get to share a bed and have sex - ha!<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 10:48 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10596533">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Wednesday, March 06, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>hooray for money, and fuck you all, coffee shop people</b>
<br />very early on in this bus occupancy survey (see? <b>everything</b> the council does has a gay, elongated title to make it sound important), i discovered the hi-visibility coat paradox. there's a lengthy explanation, but i'm tired, have beard rash, and i'm starving, so you get the short version. it goes like this:
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<br /><b>me</b> + ( <font color="#FFFF40">hi-res coat</font> (outdoors) ) = "i am <b>helpful</b>"
<br /><b>me</b> + ( <font color="#FFFF40">hi-res coat</font> (indoors) ) = "i am <b>scum</b>"
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<br />many, many people wanting to know how to get to the hospital, the nearest car park, coventry, the train station, etc., come over to me and ask. why? because i am hi-res. it causes me great enjoyment to point everyone in completely the wrong direction.
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<br /><i>however</i>, for our first break on monday morning, me and simon strolled into starbucks coffee. the woman at the front of the queue looked <b>horrified</b> that dirty, filthy <i>workmen</i> might come into her sparkly clean and highly-overpriced coffee shop. clutching her black leather portfolio closer to her, fearing that we might obviously steal it and strip it for parts, she sat down at a table. she looked equally perplexed when i asked about the chai tea latté, and i considered asking her opinion on superstring theory, but decided to stick with a regular tea and burping in her general direction.
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<br />anyway, i'm off to practice for tomorrow night. if you are in england and want to come along, all the details are <a href="http://www.leicestermusic.com/makeoutclub" target="_blank">here</a>.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 8:20 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10460986">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Monday, March 04, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>my tired ol' dawgs</b>
<br />today was the first day of my temporary filler-in job, seeing as how about £2,500 worth of web design contracts have disappeared into thin air, and i would like some money, please. rather than turn up to the 25-minute, totally unnecessary meeting last monday, i instead enjoyed a leisurely 25-second phone conversation with the company organising the work. see, here's what happens:
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<br />every year, the local council decide that they want to spend thousands and thousands of pounds finding out how many people are coming into the city on the bus. this is a way of measuring their success with regards to their efforts of fucking up the road system for anyone who drives a car. so, they hire a logisitics firm, who, in turn hire intelligent but utterley penniless people such as myself, to stand at one bus stop with 4 other people for 12 hours a day, for three weeks, jumping on a bus that comes along every 10 or twenty minutes, counting the people on the bus, and then jumping off again.
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<br />for this, i am paid the sum of £60 a day. which, for the next three weeks, will give me a reward total of £900. with this sum, i am very pleased. and the job, let's face it, isn't exactly a challenge. some bus drivers are even helpful enough to drive by with their doors open and shout the number of passengers as they pass. others will stop short of the bus stop, forcing me to walk 6 or seven feet to them, demand to see several forms of identification, and then, and this is ever so funny, drive me all the way to the end of granby street so that i have to walk back. oh ha ha ha.
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<br />i believe that the result of this exercise will be that, without hesitation, i will get my car on the road and never get on another fucking bus for the rest of my life.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 10:48 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10381403">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Sunday, March 03, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>brain aneurysm, part III</b>
<br />this is the third day in a row that i've had this incredibly painful pain in my brow, as described in a previous entry. a healthy dose of ibuprofen helps after a little while, but i'm starting to worry; i start my counting-people-on-buses job tomorrow, and i could really do without a near-crippling pain in my head while i'm trying to count disgruntled bus-travelling muppets. maybe that was a little harsh, since i am a bus-travelling muppet myself, but the reason i'm doing the ridiculously-boring yet overpaid head-counting job is so i can afford to fix up my car and <b>not</b> be a bus-travelling muppet.
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<br /> i think i'm now going to write to norris mcwhirter and attempt to claim the world record for the most uses of the phrase 'bus-travelling muppet' in one blog.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 7:07 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10335472">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>Friday, March 01, 2002</b><br /><br /><b>...or until the cheese turns a golden brown</b>
<br />so i bought a pizza for me to eat from asda a couple of days ago, stuck it in the freezer, and waited for the day i'd go "hmm, i want some pizza." well, lacking any real interest in eating anything else, but feeling hungry, i dug out my 98p stonebake pizza. you know the kind; totally uncooked, so you have to put it in a cold oven so the dough will rise, giving it a fresher taste. usually these kinds of pizzas are super, but i'm having real doubts about <b>this one:</b><img src="images/pizza.jpg" align="right">
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<br />I mean, seriously. it's in the oven right now, but i'm not keeping my hopes up. the instructions say "place in a cold oven at 180ºc for 20 - 25 minutes, or until the cheese is golden brown". umm - hello? are we looking at the same pizza? <i>what</i> cheese? i figure that, setting aside the base and the pepperoni, i spent about 11p per sliver of grated cheese.
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<br /><b>update</b>: i just took a look at it. it's not rising. it is, in fact, burning prematurely, and looking slightly worse than it did in that picture. god, i wish i lived with mumfy.<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 7:38 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10273606">comments</a></u><br /><br /><b>brain aneurysm</b>
<br />suddenly, quite without warning, a small man with a pick-axe made of ice started stabbing at the inside of my brow while I ate croissants with rosie and joel. rosie and joel got married right at the end of last year, and today is rosie's birthday, so yay rosie.
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<br />so anyway, while i'm having some sort of very slow hemorrhage, i trot back around the corner to scott's studio to pick up some photos, because i'm doing a site for him. there's a monosyllabic dance-muppet in there doing some kind of watered-down happy hardcore track that's not very good, even by happy hardcore standards. this is not helping my head. so after clambering out of scott's studio, i walk home. i've walked home from town for three days in a row now, and i feel super-healthy for it. unfortunately today, any sound i made, such as a cough, sneeze, or breathing too loudly, made the man in my head hand over the pick-axe to his monkey-assistant on speed, turn up his marshall spinal-tap edition amp to 11, and then, without playing a note, begin to smash his guitar against the inside of my brow and set fire to the pick-ups.
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<br />and, in a tribute to <a href="http://www.anyonebagel.com">barry</a> (i mean, he's not dead - it's just a *living* tribute to him, because he's funny as hell), i'm determined to have a t-shirt made which says "sorry girls - i'm gay".<br /><br /> - posted by lawrie at 6:01 PM ~ <u><a href="asfunction:loadComments,10270280">comments</a></u><br /><br />