recepticle=Saturday, January 31, 2004
it was blood. his blood. blood. blood. blood. and bits of sick
if you are unfortunate enough to a) have missed garth marenghi's darkplace on thursday, or b) live in a country where you can't receive e4 or channel 4, then you missed a magisterial televisual explodathon.
you can read about garth's own experiences in this article in the guardian, or visit his own website.
i wholeheartedly recommend picking up a copy of his black fang. as the review in the independent states: "rats learn to drive in this book".
- posted by lawrie at 2:39 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
the wisest old owl
need motivation? as my wise friend and eminent sage olly southern says: "it's better to shoot for the moon and hit an eagle than to shoot for an eagle and hit a rock".
- posted by lawrie at 11:59 PM ~ comments
Monday, January 26, 2004
i fucking love horses!
oh boy do i have a treat for you! if you live in england, then you will immediately know what i'm talking about when i say that i have the i love horses song available for download. if you don't live in england, and/or have no idea what i'm talking about, then fucking download it! it's the most insane advert jingle ever created.
however, not to be outdone, i have remixed it. click to download my genius emomix of i love horses!
- posted by lawrie at 5:49 PM ~ comments
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
we are number one! all others are number two, or lower.
this is possibly the best movie trailer ever.
this is possibly the best vacation island ever.
this is possibly the best blog ever.
we struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering.
- posted by lawrie at 3:52 PM ~ comments
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
SHE IS A GIANT WHORE!
welcome to the internet.
that's right! for just $150 you too can pretend to have a girlfriend that you actually bought off an ebay auction just to get your family off your back! in two months she will write you four - that's right i said FOUR! letters, and leave two voicemail messages telling you that she misses you! she may even send you a pair of k-mart panties! your family certainly won't get suspicious that, despite the fact that you never leave the house and sunlight burns your eyes, you have a girlfriend in another state or country! aren't you turned on? even though you know, deep down, that it's really a man?
happy bidding!
- posted by lawrie at 2:21 PM ~ comments
Friday, January 16, 2004
I'M A GIANT WHORE!
apparently, there's a 50 percent chance i will win a bloggie.
i think this test is wildly inaccurate; there's a no better than one percent chance... wait... lets face facts; there's a zero percent chance that i will win a bloggie. i'm not gay, or a girl, i'm not a camwhore, i don't write about politics or being stranded in a warzone nearly often enough, and i'm not uber-leet enough to be linked by the uber-snobs who all started weblogging before everyone else.
well, fuck you, bongo; i gots me a livejournal now. and i don't even post in it. ever! it's empty! that means i invented being emo!
- posted by lawrie at 1:03 AM ~ comments
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
true story
once, i tried to steal a dog. halfway home, a woman shouted at me, so i threw the dog's football over a fence and ran away crying.
- posted by lawrie at 4:18 AM ~ comments
feed me... feed me PEOPLE
hopefully no one saw that last bizarre entry (and no, i'm not talking about the owl story; that's a regular entry). we were doing some bugtesting because jon has very kindly coded me a smart-as-a-motherfuck rss feed.
so, if you want to syndicate me, then go right the fuck ahead.
now, if anyone knows how to add my rss feed as a syndicated account on livejournal, i'd be most grateful. it presently says i'm over quota... to which i reply you're over quota in the tubby ass department, bitch.
- posted by lawrie at 3:07 AM ~ comments
Sunday, January 11, 2004
back from prague
i once set an owl on fire. it flew away screeching, and hit a tree. then the tree set on fire. i ran away.
- posted by lawrie at 3:58 PM ~ comments
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
ecnalibis!
...which is sibilance backwards. which means i'm going away to prague for four days with emily. the picture is of prague's golem, which was a giant clay robot built by the nazis. it destroyed half the city before a young biblical boy called david shot it through the heart with a stone he fired from his god-powered rocket-launcher. david then changed his name to stalin, invented communism, and the rest is history.
believe it or not, prague was built by a princess called libu (this legend was later plagiarized by george lucas) who stood on a hill, saw another hill, and said "vidim misto velike, jehoz slava hvizd se dotykati bude." which roughly translates as "i can see stormtroppers over there. quickly! destroy the shield generators!" at which point a wookiee breasted the hill and went "rraawwrrgghh grawr praha", and the princess decided that would be the name of the hill. this was later shortened to 'praha', which is jamaican for 'prague'.
- posted by lawrie at 2:53 PM ~ comments
Monday, January 05, 2004
1 x 1
all my life i been searching for something something never comes never leads to nothing nothing satisfies but i'm getting close closer to the prize PRIZE YES I WIN
i want to redesign. you want to join the evil dead clique.
and please, for the love of god, join the fight to STOP CLOWN PORN NOW.
fin*
*quoting jon.
- posted by lawrie at 4:19 PM ~ comments